Meredith: I feel like I’m not sober enough to wall on the hand.
Elise: Let’s put this context into a situation. Wait.
Regarding melted gum on seat
Elise: It is triangulating on my butt! Seriously, I drew an isosceles triangle on this bench.
Elise: The word ‘hole’ now turns everything into a noun. This is my awesomehole.
Elise: I remembered to pack the Herpecin but forgot to pack my sunscreen.
Camila: You are not allowed to Cleveland on us!
Meredith: I feel like I’ve consumed more Gatorade after drinking than after working out. Does this say something about my life?
On “Abagota del Immigration” sign
Grace: Abagota means female attorney in Spanish.
Elise: I thought it was Japanese for robot.
Meredith: Who does this? Who carries a can of clams in their pocket for protein? No one. Except the people I go on dates with, apparently.
On Meredith’s scale/height
Elise: We look like your back-up dancers.
Elise: This is my last hoorah before the wedding! It’s my Eatlorette Party.
Grace: Do you have sinus problems? Cause I just have never known you to not have a roll of toilet paper in your purse.
Grace: I’m just really excited about these nuts.
Elise: Who on earth would get room service when there’s a buffet?
Meredith: Honeymooners.
Grace: Sick people.
Regarding spilled mixed drink
Grace: That was, like, $4 worth!
Elise: It really was. I should just lick it.
On photo angles
Meredith: I’d rather someone see my cleavage than my double chin.
On not holding the door
Random Woman 1 on Elevator: There was a kid trying to get on.
Random Woman 2 on Elevator: I don’t care. It’s not my kid.
Meredith: I don’t think he’s socially awkward. He’s just German.
Camila: He’s not German – he’s South African.
Elise: Same thing.
Elise: Don’t talk politics in a hot tub.
Elise: Meredith, you should sell your pashmina afghans with iron-on anchors!
Meredith: I’d make a killing selling to old women on cruises.
Camila: You’d make a boatload.
Grace: Are these, like, veteran cruise members waving their napkins and clapping?
Elise: I think they might be Greek.
On karoake singers’ unrealistic expectations
Emcee: You have to understand that standing ovations are 50% your responsibility to be good and 50% audience responsibility to enjoy it enough to stand up.
Trying To Redeem Self But Failing
Grace: Did you get a nose job? … No, it’s just your nose bump looks like it’s moved … Have I told you how pretty you look today?
